*Christine paced as she made her fourth call, moving down the hallway. She stopped just short of the nursery door. Leaning against the wall, she listened to Erik speak to their son. It was a scene she had imagined over and over again during her pregnancy, when she had prayed Erik would fall in love with their child, just as she already had.*
*He smiled and nodded softly, answering her question on whether or not he would eat. Although he had always been thin, over the past two months, he had become even more so. Part of it was a wish for death that always never seemed to come. The other half was that he no longer had Christine to keep him ‘healthy.’*
*Once Erik was out of earshot, Christine let out an exhausted sigh. Not physical, but emotionally drained. As she walked into the kitchen and sat at the counter, she could hear Benjamin squeal all the way from the nursery. The five month old already knew how to project. Picking up her phone, she wracked her brain for who could babysit on such short notice…*
*The small mess of soft curls on top of Benjamin’s head brushed up against Erik’s cheek as his son rested on his shoulder.* Is this a hug? *He smiled and walked over to the changing table, laying the boy down and unbuttoning the bottom clasps of his outfit.* Your papa certainly has missed you today.
*Christine separated herself from him as he began to speak of his new mask. Her lips still tingled from his kiss. Thoughts of leading him back to their bedroom filled her head, with rational thinking struggling to catch up. He was not always like this, she had to remind herself, and another episode had to be right around the corner. She had never feared them before, when he fell down into the blackness inside his mind. But then, she had always been able to bring him back to her… That was before.*
Dinner…? *She bit her lip, wondering who she could get to babysit on such short notice.* Very well. *When he said the mask was uncomfortable, her first instinct was to tell him not to wear it, but she stopped herself. She didn’t have to worry for his comfort and health all the time now… right? Instead, she gave a quick nod and walked to the elevator, stopping by it and waiting for him to leave.*
*Erik looked to Christine, who stood by the elevator, and smiled. He then turned and walked to the nursery. No matter how much she did not wish for him to be there any longer after such a conversation, he was going to see his son.*
*Looking down into the crib, a wide smile and two outstretched arms greeted him. There! There was their masterpiece!* Little Maestro, how you have grown. *He reached down and lifted the growing boy. He had seen him the day before and yet somehow, he already seemed twice his size. Benjamin squealed happily as he held on to his papa’s suit jacket.* What a voice! I have no doubt you will soon you be sharing it with all of Paris, just like you maman.
*closes the distance between them, takes his face in her hands, and stands on tiptoe to kiss him. An intense, time-stopping kiss that leaves her hurting heart pounding. She pulls back, dropping her hands to her sides as she moves back.* Fine, take your chance, even if it proves to be just another chance for you to break my heart.
*His hands stay to his sides, uncertain if he should touch her for fear she is simply a mad delusion and would vanish. …but no. She moved back and Erik was left starring into her eyes, full of disbelief and wonder.*
*He opened his mouth, trying to find words. Instead, he pulled his Christine back to him. His lips met hers once again, so soft and warm. She was his. He would not sign papers should she give them and he would stop at nothing to keep the family he did not think he would ever have, whole.* Dinner. Tonight. *his lips remained close and his eyes half closed. The fact that she was in his arms and her body being so close was…intoxicating.* I have a new mask I have been wanting to try. It is made of a new foam latex from this modern age. It is uncomfortable and yet… I will be able to treat you as any gentleman treats his wife.
But I dowish to have you! My heart aches to be so cold when you visit our son and think you could be warm in another’s bed in our nights apart.What if you have another episode like the last one? What if you grow worse? For the first time, I could not bring you back to sanity or help you… and you… you made me believe you had left with our son.
I would never break our marriage vows in anyway, especially with another woman, Christine. Although you do not wish to believe it, we are still quite married.
I cannot be certain I will not have another ‘episode.’ I cannot—- What if I had? Do you not trust me with him? Do you not think I would have returned? I had stated clearly where I had intended on going. …am I truly that much of a monster to you?
Soon there will be papers to sign, Erik.
You made it impossible to trust you when you are like that! No, no I do not think you a monster. I think you uncontrollable when one of those moods takes you, since it seems I can no longer help.
You have not given me a chance!
Please, Christine… let me prove to you how different I have become… that I am not the monster you truly think I am, whether you admit it or not.
I removed your ring after you destroyed my certainty.
I love you, Erik, with my whole heart, but I cannot endanger myself any longer. Benjamin needs me.
You are not endangering yourself, Christine. I love you so very, very much…I am dying here without you…to know that you do not wish to have me any longer.
…Please…But I do wish to have you! My heart aches to be so cold when you visit our son and think you could be warm in another’s bed in our nights apart.
What if you have another episode like the last one? What if you grow worse? For the first time, I could not bring you back to sanity or help you… and you… you made me believe you had left with our son.
I would never break our marriage vows in anyway, especially with another woman, Christine. Although you do not wish to believe it, we are still quite married.
I cannot be certain I will not have another ‘episode.’ I cannot—- What if I had? Do you not trust me with him? Do you not think I would have returned? I had stated clearly where I had intended on going. …am I truly that much of a monster to you?
I removed your ring after you destroyed my certainty.
I love you, Erik, with my whole heart, but I cannot endanger myself any longer. Benjamin needs me.
You are not endangering yourself, Christine. I love you so very, very much…I am dying here without you…to know that you do not wish to have me any longer.
…Please…
